my stuff
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mentally i'm in barcelona
I shouldn’t be here (at work, in Edinburgh), I should be in Barcelona (at leisure, in the best city ever) with my friends on a hen weekend. Bandito is poised like some wound up spring, ready to leap into a taxi any moment to be whisked of to sunny Poland with the lads for the stag trip.
And yet…I am here. At work. In Edinburgh. We couldn’t afford for me to go to Barcelona too. (1, 2, 3….awwwwwww) That was the bottom line and being a grown up lady in a grown up marriage with grown up bills and mortgages and you know, commitments, I stepped down and said ‘no, Bandito – you go to Poland, be a stag, have fun. You’ve known them longer than me’. Even though that is only slightly true, I felt like Bandito needed a bit of lads fun. And fun is what he’s going to have. It’s a motley crew he’s going with, but all the same, fun will be had.
If I was going to Barcelona (oh, if only), I’d be sitting at my desk right now almost peeing myself with excitement. A taxi would be arriving in about 20 minutes to take me to the airport to meet up with lots and lots of holiday frame-of-minded girls and off we’d go. Still. One can’t have everything in this world (no fair) and instead, tomorrow, I am heading north to visit my mum and other family members to be driven round the bend by all of them, which will be okay because it will mean that my mind will be taken of the general fear that I always get when Bandito goes away from me which is that something horrific will happen to him and I’ll never see him again.
I’m a nightmare when I need to be separated from him, I get really withdrawn and teary in the build up to it (doesn’t help that I’m riddled with PMT) and spend the whole time he’s away drunk and surrounded by people so I don’t have to experience what life would be like without him. Pathetic. I tell myself to stop being so ridiculous, pathetic, needy, dependent, but I never, ever listen to myself and just get on with it. Somebody should really give me a good kick.
Still. It’s sunny here, nice and warm really. My hay fever has come out to play which is a bit shit. I woke up this morning with a rattly chest and sore eyes. Seems a bit unfair to stick me in Scotland and then make me allergic to the 3.1 sunny days we actually get.
Right I’m going now. I’ve got some more moping about to do before Bandito runs off with some buxom Polish bird.
2:51 pm - 15 June 2006
