my stuff
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a moment of clarity
Forgive me. I’m going to indulge myself.
I’m reading a book at the moment. The main character is back in his homeland and through the course of his journey he has found out some information about his mother – who died giving birth to him. He has been desperate to find something, anything about her throughout his whole life:
“What I had always thirsted for were the details: the way her hair glinted in the sunlight, her favourite ice cream flavour, the songs she liked to hum, did she bite her nails?”
It made me stop and think for a while.
I wondered what people would say about me when I’m gone. It made me panic a little bit to think like that – a flutter in my chest really. What things would come easily to people 20 years after I passed? It’s strange to imagine that one day there will be a world without yourself in it. It seems…unbelievable.
And sometimes it’s worth remembering that. After all, even the bad days have good moments in them and it's important to remember that I’m glad I’m in this world.
It has been a rubbish day for me – long and busy and stressful. But here are the nice things in an otherwise crud day:
The cherry blossom is falling off the tree and blowing in the wind. I walked out of the flat this morning and felt like I was in some kind of back to front season land – warm and snowing. It was beautiful.
I had a piece of pineapple earlier on that was so ripe, the juice ran down my chin and plopped on the desk.
A friend of mine cycled by my office to go to the pub across the road – he didn’t realise I worked here. We had a cuddle and a laugh about it.
Even though the weather has been strange all day – raining one minute and sunny the next, the light has been incredible. As the sun was setting everything was bright orange with a really dark tint to it – the clouds were like black ink. It was incredible.
Ah okay that’s enough I think…It’s 10 to 10 at night. I’m still at the office but in half an hour I’m going home to Bandito with a bottle of wine.
I can’t imagine a better way to end things.
9:58 pm - 18 May 2006
