my stuff
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Oh. You know I couldn’t stay away for long. Actually – I have a new and refreshed outlook (yes, already. I’m nothing if not spontaneous, fast and flighty) on things.
From now on – I’m not going to write about nonsensical drivel unless I deem it to be funny or worthy of writing. If I have to think hard about what I’m going to write about, then I’m not doing it. So, I won’t tell you about how Bandito left his laptop at our front door for 3 hours and somehow it didn’t get nicked, or anything else like that. Maybe. And I’m not going to write when I’m not in the mood. And I might try not to write when I’m at work. That way – YOU might enjoy what I have to say and I might enjoy saying it.
Let’s try it for a wee whiley eh?!
And thank you everybody who left me notes. I’m not breaking up with anybody, and really – you have reminded me about the pure loveliness of doing this here thing, so thank you. Very much indeed.
Last night, we had friends round for dinner (bruschetta for starters, Spanish Stew – chorizo, chicken, chickpeas, carrots, tomatoes and other bits and bobs - and creamy mashed potatoes for main. We forgot about pudding). Everybody brought a stupid amount of wine with them and I was stupid enough to drink most of it. But it was a good night, with the boys playing their records and the girls showing each other how we used to dance as teenagers. It was deemed that I was obviously one of those girls who practiced their dancing and they were right. No way I was going to be giving it big licks on the dance floor as a teenager without test driving those moves first, that’s for sure!
We had 3 people round. Jan and Richard and one of Jan’s old friends who was up in Edinburgh for a holiday. Jan and I used to work together and as loathe as I am to connect to any work mates EVER after horrifyingly bad past experiences, I always got on really well with her and we became friends despite the alarm bells going off in my head. Fortunately, the bells faded and she’s left the company I work for so now we are just proper friends and I really like that. We both get on really well with Richard too and all in all it’s just super fab groovy.
Unfortunately, Richard has just found out he has a new job and so they will both be moving away in June. It’s a real shame as we were getting quite close, but after everybody left last night, when Bandito and I were doing the post-dinner-round-up, we came to the conclusion that Jan and Richard are probably those friends that could be put in the ‘transitional’ category.
The older I get, the more realistic I am about relationships. When I was younger, every friendship had to have a fire and I spent lots of time and energy keeping that fire going, refusing to let it go out, regardless of whether it wanted to go out or not. Now, I realise that people mean different things at different times to you – and you to them, and I think eventually things will peter out with Jan and Richard.
This isn’t to say that we don’t love them. It’s just one of those inevitable things that I can see happening.
Does that make me sound like a bitch do you think? I think we’re just being realistic. We’re going to make the most of them while we’re here, and we’ll probably even go and visit them once or twice, but eventually when things in our world change and things in their world change, I think we’ll go our separate ways.
Some people are keepers and some people are transitional. Other people are complete losers and need to be immediately ejected out of your life – unfortunately with all the losers I’ve had in my life it always took so fecking long for me to realise which ones were which. I’ve made some mistakes over the years, but things are changing.
I wonder if this happens to anybody else – while you’re eating your lunch or walking to the shop to buy milk, or doing something else completely normal, suddenly you start thinking about someone really random from your life – like the girl that used to live next door to your granny when you were growing up and there’s no reason for you to start thinking about them, they just popped into your head. And then 2 or 3 days later, you’re wandering around a shop or something and there in front of you is the girl that used to live next door to your granny! Out of the blue. Do you ever get that?
I always find that quite freaky. It’s like your brain is sending out signals, beaming through the world and other brains are picking them up and sending signals back. In a way it’s cool – if it’s someone you want to bump into, and other times it’s crap for obvious reasons.
Well, I think I’m on some kind of major brain signal overload at the moment, I don’t know what’s going on. In the last 4 weeks I have had contact with 3 people who were really important people in my life who I’ve not seen in around 5 – 10 years! It’s so weird.
When I was on the radio the other week, an old friend of mine heard it and emailed the show asking if it was me who she’d heard and if they could pass her email address on to me. The people at the show did this and I emailed her and now we’re completely back in contact!! I’ve not seen her since my wedding which was 5 years ago!
Then, as you know, I had lunch with an old school friend last Saturday. We’d kept in touch with Christmas cards and so on, but I really didn’t think anything was ever going to come of it but the lunch ended up being really good fun and I think a re-newed friendship might come of it. I hadn’t seen her in 8 years.
And then on Wednesday, my cousin texted me to say that someone had left him a note on his myspace site thingy asking if he was related to me and if so could he pass on a message that they were trying to contact me and gave him their email address, which he dutifully passed on. Lo and behold, this is one of my mums friends daughter’s who I used to be very close to and who I really do miss sometimes – I haven’t seen her in 10 years!
What the hell is going on? Who’s going to pop up next? I feel a bit mystified by it all. It’s great, but it’s freaky. I hope if this continues, it’s always nice people who are getting in touch, that’s for sure.
And so to tonight. Pizza, wine, films and an early night I think. 2 whole days of me and Bandito and it’s bliss.
Enjoy the rest of yours.
Smooches xxxxxx
8:46 pm - 18 March 2006
