my stuff
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i'm not doing this for attention, I promise!
God I'm a nightmare.
I put the wheels in motion to get a new page and new layout and everything all sorted out, I'd chosen a great new name and the ball was well and truly rolling and then I got to thinking...(always a dangerous thing)...what sense does it make to stop being Heeland Lass and start being someone else, but me?
In the end, after lots of deliberating and pontificating and all that jazz, I realised that in the end, I am not Heeland Lass, but she is part of me. And just because there were some shitty bits in the life & times of Heeland Lass, doesn't mean I should up sticks and leave her here to fester in the abyss of unused and unread diaryland pages whilst I skip on my merry way to a happier, sunnier place with a new name.
So...if you’ll have me back? I’d quite like to stay being Heeland Lass.
I've got a new layout (as you can see) which is TEMPORARY until I figure out how to design my own page that I am happy with. This may take some time so you'll have to put up with this lime green page for a while, and all the weirdo punctuation - honestly, I do know how to punctuate, but this seems to love question marks (quite frankly, it took me nearly 6 hours to put all this together, so you'll have to like it AND lump it and I am sorry about the colour, just don't read me when you're hungover!)
Also – my guestbook isn't the most high tech. I couldn't figure out how to apply the one I used previously and it was doing my head in so I grabbed the first one I could find. It does the job, even if it doesn't look very pretty, so please be sure to leave me lots of entertaining messages please and thank you.
Reading some of my buddy's journals I’ve realised that more and more life is about the shit bits and the good bits. I’m so far removed from my shitty bits now I almost feel like it was a horrible bad dream.
But it wasn't. I was in a crap part of my life and now that I'm out the other side, now that I've talked and talked and talked and talked and talked about what was going on, I know why it was crap and I took the steps I needed to get out of it.
So here I am. Refreshed, revived. I feel like I've had a holiday and you, my dear readers are going to have to put up with my ramblings for a bit longer...
So, I’ve given you no news of my life at all recently. Here's (in no particular order) what's been going on with me:
1. Bandito turned 30
2. We went on holiday to Thailand (feels like yonks ago)
3. We finally finished our kitchen
4. I've SIGNIFICANTLY cut back on my alcohol intake
5. I've stopped taking drugs
6. I'm learning to drive
7. I've signed up to do a creative writing course in children's fiction
Doesn't seem like we've been up to much really but that's Bandito & Heeland Lass for you – somehow our tiny kitchen took all of 1 ½ years to finish, but it's done now and it looks amazing.
The above little list doesn't seem like much, very boring and matter of fact actually but that's good – it means that real life is back and it's the little things in life that are important to me again, and that is a huge relief.
I'm really looking forward to my writing course – I've had an idea for a children's book since I was about 8 and I really want to figure out if it's got any kind of life in it at all. I'm hoping this will help me figure it out. It's a 10 week course so it takes me through to the end of the year and hopefully my writing on this diary will improve a bit as well.
The reason I decided to stop taking drugs and significantly cut back on my booze intake was because I wanted to get healthier for when the time came for us to try for a baby. I know plenty of people who drank booze & took drugs right up till the day they found out they were pregnant but they were bags of complete panic till they got their scan and I wanted to reduce any kind of stress that I might have experienced. Also - neither were helping me with my mental situation (doesn’t take a genius to work that out) and although I used to think that being a crazed party gal was what defined me, it's been really nice to realise that it's not what I’m all about.
The driving is going great, I really love doing it and I'm quite close to applying for my test. It's been a fast track couple of months I’ve been on...the last time I learned I was so lax about it that it was no wonder I was shit at it (I went round a roundabout the wrong way). This time I woke up one morning and said 'Right! I’m going to learn to drive'. I’m so glad I'm doing it and hopefully I'll be a road hog soon!
So all in all, things are going well. I’ve changed in some ways and stayed the same in others. I've learned a lot and I'm happy with my lot. I've got a lot to look forward to and most of all I've got my life with Bandito and that's all I ever needed.
So, after reading all of the above, I realise that I've only got 1 more piece of news for you and it's a biggie. I shouldn't say really but I figure if it all goes wrong (touch wood etc, etc, etc) then I'd write about it here anyway so here goes….
I'm pregnant.
So, So, So, So Happy
Message Number: 11 - Sunday, September 9, 2007 14:43:26 PDT - [IP = 207.6.163.70] Name: teranika How are you today? : pretty good, and you? what's the best thing you heard today?: coldangray's description of birthing class Whatcha got to say? : we're dropping like flies Comments: You, too? Me, too. It's like a pregnancy epidemic. Kind of like when you buy a new car and all of sudden see that kind of car everywhere on the road. Although, that hasn't happened to me in years. But, whatever - congrats!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 10 - Friday, September 7, 2007 21:50:30 PDT - [IP = 124.182.22.181] Name: RDC & JH Comments: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! We wish you all the best - We've been waiting to hear this news for ages! Keep us posted! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 9 - Friday, September 7, 2007 02:14:49 PDT - [IP = 84.67.65.84] Name: kristoli Comments: *SCREAM* So happy for you too :) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 8 - Friday, September 7, 2007 01:36:38 PDT - [IP = 81.171.211.146] Name: Vicola http://: www.vicola.diaryland.com How are you today? : I have weevils. what's the best thing you heard today?: The radio telling me it was half nine which means I've only got 6 and a half hours till the weekend! Whatcha got to say? : Again, I have weevils. I am infested. Not me personally I'd like to point out, they're in the cupboard. Comments: HUGE congratulations Heeland Lass, that's fantastic news! I'm so pleased that things are looking happier for you and Bandito and it's nice to have you back online. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 7 - Thursday, September 6, 2007 11:11:04 PDT - [IP = 24.69.3.232] Name: David http://: lobo21.diaryland.com How are you today? : Brightened by your page! what's the best thing you heard today?: Your good news!!! Whatcha got to say? : Congratulations! Comments: That's fantastic news!!! Congratulations!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 6 - Thursday, September 6, 2007 10:29:08 PDT - [IP = 170.252.248.203] Name: ChicagoJo http://: http://chicagojo.diaryland.com How are you today? : Great, thanks what's the best thing you heard today?: That's you're happily knocked up! Whatcha got to say? : Yay yay yay! Comments: Holy crap! What great news! A bambino to join you and Bandito! Yippee!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 5 - Thursday, September 6, 2007 09:54:39 PDT - [IP = 212.179.212.161] Name: Ladybugge http://: ladybugge.diaryland.com How are you today? : okay what's the best thing you heard today?: I can't remember Comments: Congratulations! For everything. I'm glad you're back. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 4 - Thursday, September 6, 2007 09:12:58 PDT - [IP = 71.124.228.151] Name: Anne http://: nilliem.diaryland.com How are you today? : Excellent what's the best thing you heard today?: That a Heel land baby is coming!! Comments: Hey!! Yay for you and Bandito! Its good to hear your voice, too. Can't wait to hear more of the fun of pregnancy...slight sarcastic tone there...but it can be very interesting! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 3 - Thursday, September 6, 2007 08:32:03 PDT - [IP = 159.10.4.170] Name: starzero http://: the same place i've always been How are you today? : you're right this is a crap guestbook what's the best thing you heard today?: better than mine though Whatcha got to say? : how do i fit into my new dress? Comments: i won't begin with the end, though i expect others will (have done--damn i like how the british speak). that colour is hideous. please change soon. bandito is younger than me. that makes me, um, what, old? older? i like to think of people older than me as adults, and people younger than me as kids, but at this age i don't know anymore. writing will be good. improved writing skills may make it easier for you to communicate your thoughts and feelings. it used to help me, but i fear it's worn off. i should take another course, i reckon. congratulations you're having a baby. i have plenty of advice and not-advice to give, but it's nothing you won't get elsewhere. i have an 11-year-old with a nutter for a mother (not really, but she's still a pain in my ass) and i'm not doing enough to be involved in his life. i haven't abandoned him, but i could have done better. i don't think you'll be in my situation. enjoy the baby's youth, and set aside a little money each year, preferably in a tax-exempt trust, to help pay for education/health care/stuff in 18 years. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Message Number: 2 - Thursday, September 6, 2007 07:48:13 PDT - [IP = 213.152.239.2] Name: Friday http://: http://fridayfilms.diaryland.com How are you today? : OMG what's the best thing you heard today?: Duh! Comments: LOOK AT YOU! Oh congratulations! I'm so happy for you, I nearly jumped out of my chair just now! Argh, I just want to bite your arm in celebration. Take care of you and keep us in the loop on that. I want to know EXACTLY what it's like so that I can be very afraid for when it's my turn. A million kisses on your face, which I've yet to see in person. xxxxxxxxx
3:32 pm - 06 September 2007
