my stuff
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a breakfast, some hormones and my fridge thing
Heeland Lass’s STUPID breakfast idea:
Take one tiny toaster;
Plug it in;
From the bag of 2 x bread rolls tucked away safely in desk drawer, remove one roll;
Pick off the bits of mould growing on the bottom half, then realise what a disgusting pig you are and throw it in the bin;
Take 2nd roll from bag and sigh with relief that it was his unfortunate brother that was ransacked by lergy and this one is actually okay – no mould as far as anybody can see (although, you must accept that this may not be the case, seeing as it is a seeded bap [no jokes, boys] and therefore mould could be hiding under/pretending to be a half sunflower seed);
Slice roll and attempt to put each half into the toaster;
Frown slightly as the smaller half needs a bit of a shove to get into the toaster;
Frown greatly as the larger half needs jammed into the toaster with quite a bit of effort;
Flip the toaster flipper thing down and then leave the office kitchen to go back to desk and read Diaryland;
Yelp as workmate shouts ‘Heeland Lass – I think your toast is burning’;
Lift up flipper of toaster to remove the wedged in roll halves;
Remove smaller half with quite a bit of effort;
Put on plate;
Frown intensely as larger half makes no effort what so ever to come out of toaster;
Unplug toaster (very important);
Get knife and start to prise larger half out of toaster;
Frown as only chunks of bread roll come away;
Go to office manager and explain that you have wedged bread into the toaster and it’s not coming out;
Put on sincere look as she thinks you are joking;
Stand over office manager as she shakes and prods and pokes at jammed in bread;
Sigh relief when she pulls it all out;
Hang head in shame when she asks you not to do that again and walks out of the kitchen;
Spread the one decent piece of toast with marge and jam;
Eat;
Realise that your appetite has now been woken up and there’s no way that flimsy bit of bread will do for breakfast;
Look eagerly at mould-removed bread roll in bin;
Shake head in shame at the dirty pig you’ve become;
Go to shop;
Purchase banana;
Go back to office and eat banana;
Learn something from this (but not too much)
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Heeland Lass’s INCREDIBLE biological discovery:
As you know, me & Bandito are having regular ‘making baby’ chats at the moment. It’s all very exciting – I’m taking folic acid and things now (was a bit disappointed that it doesn’t make you trip) and my friend LB has lent me a book about the whole shebang (because there is actually more to it than a bit of wham, bam, thank you ma’am – who knew?!) so now me & Bandito are pretty much ready to go, so to speak (but we’re not going yet). Anyway – over the last few months I have been trying to plot through my cycle and try to see if I notice any changes in my body during different times of the month and do you know what? I DO!
Basically, in an average cycle, if you count 12 – 16 days from when you first come on you should be fertile. I’ve never known this before, being that it’s not information that I generally need, but now that I am thinking about this, now that I’m making myself aware of changes, I do feel different. And it’s a bit odd.
There are physical changes which I won’t go into, but the most alarming change of all is that I’m so randy! Up till now, I’ve always thought that I just went through weird spells of thinking that random men were really attractive or that they really fancied me, but in actual fact – it’s not me that’s the big headed tart that fancies anything that moves (male or female it would appear), it’s my hormones!!
Hooray! It’s so mental to know that this isn’t something I can control. So for example – the last 3 days or so I’ve been a bit pre-occupied with one of the workmen outside my office. Now, he’s been outside the office for nearly 2 weeks and he’s half good looking (i.e, compared to the other workmen with their sweat-stained t-shirts, man tits, huge beer bellies and mental glint in their eyes, he’s a STUD) but it’s only been the last few days that I’ve enjoyed seeing him, watched him when he’s not looking and thought wicked thoughts about him. It really made no sense to me, this sudden change until I added up the days and realised that my body is in baby-making mode.
Crazy eh?!
So yes. That’s my biological discovery.
Come back and have a read in a couple of week’s time when I will be explaining what kind of psycho hose-beast I’ve become because I’m at the PMT stage.
Fun!
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Heeland Lass’s FUN fridge & magnet message board
Have you had a go on my fridge yet? It’s great! It’s down there…….have a wee look.
11:50 am - 07 June 2006
