my stuff
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positivity
Well. After completing 2006 on a very grumpy note, I have the pleasure in informing you that so far, 2007 has been a pretty pleasant year so far.
I didn’t go back to work till 8 January which was totally blissful. I had so many days off I felt like I could really waste some of them and one day I spent all tucked up in bed reading and eating naughty things till 5.30pm.
Some may say that’s a waste of a day, but to me that’s the perfect way to spend the day.
Sigh.
Since the 8th I have been on a bit of a no booze mission. I haven’t touched a drop and plan on keeping that way till at least 8 February, if not longer.
I am so happy to put 2006 behind me. It was really shite. I spent most of it feeling out of control and unhappy and because of those feelings all of the happy and controlled things in my life just didn’t fit. Now that I’m feeling happier within myself and more positive about things, all of the happy stuff in my life feels right at home again.
I must say, my head is a much nicer place to be. I think that I was properly depressed last year but didn’t want to admit it to myself, let alone anybody else. The main problem was that I didn’t really give myself any time to be sober enough to think things through, I was hiding behind alcohol in more ways than one.
My friends and I have been talking about this a lot. I don’t know what the outside perception is of Scotland and Scottish people (inform me, please) but I am sure the stereotype of big boozers comes into it somewhere. I don’t know what it is about this country but we do drink a LOT. I used to comfort myself when I worried about how much I drank by thinking ‘well, such and such drinks a bottle of wine on her own every night’ and ‘Miss X was out on a bender till 4am this morning and didn’t go into work because of her hangover, I’m not THAT bad’.
Well, the truth is – I was that bad, only I managed to go to work, hungover (still drunk) and feeling disgusting, craving greasy breakfast rolls and cans of fizzy drink to sort myself out and spending most of the day moaning to my friends from the night before or laughing about it. Not very productive.
And yes, I didn’t drink a bottle of red wine on my own every night, I shared one with Bandito, but that didn’t account for the 2 – 3 beers I’d have on a Friday BEFORE the bottle of wine and the 2 – 3 beers on Saturday afternoon and all the booze I’d consume on a Saturday night out with the girls and then the bottle of wine on Sunday afternoon over the papers and another with dinner that night.
No. All in all, I have come to the realisation that just because my friends drink as much as me, doesn’t mean to say that I have to keep doing it.
So. As I said, I’m not going to stop drinking forever, but I am going to stop hiding behind alcohol. I am fun and witty and happy and positive and full of beans and full of conversation without alcohol. I really, seriously need to remember that.
So yes. January in Scotland. Usually so depressing, but I feel on top of the world. I have lost weight, I’m going to the gym more, I’m eating really healthily, I’m in a fantastic place with Bandito right now, we’re going to Thailand at the end of February – things couldn’t be better.
I keep thinking that something’s going to come along and wreck it all but for the time being, the way I feel at the moment, anything can come along and I’ll be able to work it out.
That’s me really. I’ve not felt this good in ages.
5:14 pm - 24 January 2007
