my stuff
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saturday night at the ... well, nowhere actually
What a strange predicament I find myself in. And I mean STRANGE.
Here I am, sitting at my table in the living room, it's 7.50pm, the sun is streaming through the window, I'm drinking a beer, the Simpsons are on the telly and it's a Saturday night. "Not so strange" I hear you cry.
Yes, but I am....alone. Well, apart from the cat. But he only loves me when I hover around the catfood cupboard, so he doesn't count. So, yes - alone, by myself, not another soul around.
How weird. It might not sound so weird to you (and I find it weird that it's weird. Jesus, I need to do something with my vocabulary), but I haven't spent a Saturday night alone in about...god, in about 10 years.
What the fuck?! How can that be? Well, I've been with Bandito for 8 1/2 years and before Bandito I was a single chick for about 6 months and I was out EVERY single Saturday night so that makes 9 years and before that I was with my ex and I lived with him for the last year we were together so I am pretty sure in that year we didn't spend a Saturday night apart and so that makes 10 years.
But it must be more than that in all reality - 10 years ago I was 21. At 21 you don't tend to spend Saturday night alone do you? I am actually struggling to comprehend the fact that this might actually be the only Saturday night I've spent alone as an adult...EVER. Can that be? Can that actually be? Sheesh.
I mean, I'm sure there have been Saturday nights when I've not been with Bandito in the last 8 1/2 years, but then I would have spent time with other people - out with friends, with my family. God. I can't believe it.
Yesterday, I went home to visit my Mum. She'd bought tickets for a comedian and I was really looking forward to it, spending a bit of time with my mummy and generally having a chilled time while Bandito was away. The plan was - get the bus home, meet mum and my aunt, go for a quick bite to eat and a catch up, go to the show, head back to mum's, drink lots of wine, head to bed. Saturday, get up, walk the dog, have breakfast, head into town, help mum buy Bandito's birthday present and then both of us were going to drive back to Edinburgh. Mum and I were going to chill at my house (I needed to feed the cat), watch some films, have nice tea, drink lots of wine and go to bed. Sunday, mum was going to go home, leaving me feeling like a grown up lady in her own home, reading the papers in the garden and pretending not to clock watch for Bandito coming home, reassured that as a successful grown up, I had spent quality time with my mum, had a nice weekend without Bandito and so on and so on.
But Mum couldn't be arsed coming through to Edinburgh. It made much more sense for her to stay at home, she had so much to do and I could tell she was feeling the pinch a bit. I told her I didn't mind, and I really didn't. When I was still with her I felt a bit excited about this time to myself (am I really pathetic?)but now that I am here, I really have to stop my hand reaching for the phone.
What am I doing? Okay, I should be in Barcelona at the hen weekend, in fact not only that - I was invited to a wedding up North but turned it down so I could go to Barcelona, and now I'm at neither. Anyway. I know that as soon as I speak to M&S for example, or LB, I know they'll say 'Heeland Lass, what the fuck are you doing? Get your arse over here! Bring booze! Let's have fun!' and I kind of want that, but I kind of want to know that I can spend a Saturday night in my house, alone. Oh I don't know.
So, here I am. And if you're reading this - then here you are.
So - what's there to do on a Saturday night? Round at my place? Let's see...
Well - I haven't had dinner yet, I will make that soon (before the beer I am guzzling at a rate of knotts takes its toll). I have that teleport film channel thing on my tv, so I could order some films. I could have a bath. I could tidy out my wardrobe.
OH MAN!! That all sounds so frigging midweek. What will I actually do? I'm 2 beers down, I've got 6 more in the fridge. Getting pissed on my own in the house whilst trying very hard to focus on Monster-In-Law or whatever lame film I order is surely a million times SADDER than just picking up the phone and finding out what my friends are up to, right?
Hmm. I'll take some time to think about that.
Urgh. I'm going to make my dinner before I get steaming drunk and order a pizza.
Want to come over and drink beer? Got your own life? Boo.
7:32 pm - 17 June 2006
