my stuff
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whine moan
I've opened up DLand every day, clicked onto 'add an entry' and sat staring at the white box as if glaring at it will help spark some kind of inspiration in my head, ignite some tiny little flame that will start the roaring fire that is my usual DLand nonsense.
It’s just not happening at the moment. I don’t care to be a moaning, cryptic weirdo which is pretty much all I have right now – moaning and cryptic weirdness.
We’re so skint just now it’s unreal. I don’t really know why we’re so skint, but we are. I checked my bank account and I have £70 to last till 21 August. That is for both of us and is to include food and two weekends worth of entertainment. This weekend isn’t too bad as I’m going to stay at a friends and have an economy night in. The weekend after that is the hen weekend that I’ve organised for a really good friend of mine – there’s 10 of us renting a big gorgeous house in the country and we’re supposed to be going all out for our friend, dinner, massages, BBQs, the works. I am going to have to do it on a total economy drive, I feel embarrassed about that.
Bandito won’t let me borrow any more money (he has foresight, I don’t tend to use that) but I just don’t see how we’re going to make £70 do all that stuff for us. It’s making me miserable. I fucking hate being skint. It’s horrible.
My boss is now back from holiday – the day she left to go on a 3 ½ week holiday was the day she told me I couldn’t take any time off in August either because we’d be busy. This means that I haven’t had any more than 1 day off work (apart from weekends) since January. JANUARY! I’m fucked. I’m fucked and I’m fucked off. I worked so hard last month, to the point of madness at some stages, fuck I even took up smoking again to relieve the stress. I just want some time off. Now I have the first week in September booked off but, because we have no money, I don’t think we can do anything.
We usually get our appraisals in May here at work. Usually you sit down with bosslady, talk about the year that’s just passed, discuss any issues, talk about a pay increase and then find out if you get a bonus. If the meeting doesn’t happen in May, the pay increase etc. gets back dated to May. It’s August and our boss hasn’t even mentioned this meeting.
I am starting to feel really undervalued – I mean, don’t you think that’s just bad manners? Okay – maybe things have been really busy (and they have), but to not even make it look like she’s attempting to talk to us about things. And then to tell me that I can’t take a holiday in August, after a fucker of a month in July…especially when I’m actually really quiet now, well. I’m a bit pissed off really.
And being skint doesn’t help at home either. Me & Bandito are really snapping at each other. It seems at the moment, instead of working together when things go tough we’re pushing against each other. It’s something that we’ve recognised we do from time to time so at least we can talk about it and something will click into place soon, but at the moment everything feels a bit rubbish.
See. Bet you preferred it when I wasn’t talking…
10:24 am - 10 August 2006
